ITS BEEN A YEAR

Taken by your Lerato just a few weeks after I arrived in Joburg.

(I have not been this slim since)

 Exactly a year ago today I wrote my first letter on this blog. I didn't know exactly how it will go but I promised myself that I will be as sincere and honest as possible. I look back today and I am glad I embarked on this journey its been quiet a ride. I enjoyed sharing every entry and its a good feeling to re-visit the events that made the year. I tried not to be too personal or compromise anyone's privacy who is not directly involved. I wrote what I refer to as" the in between the lines",staff that will one day trigger stories behind my entries. A lot happened this past year, I grew up on so many levels. The past year saw me cry less, I walked with myself more, I discovered  I needed some amendments,that I sometimes go out of tune and that its never late to go for it! The biggest thing that happened personally for me was leaving him. If someone told me we will not be together now I would have laughed in their face. Call me ambitious or whatever but I thought ours will eventually lead to the alter. I loved him, I still love him, a part of me will always love him. If I say anything else I will be lying and that will defeat the purpose or writing here in the first place. I remember when the man I wrote about in  the entry titled "almost" asked me about him I said the above and I have often wondered if that is not what put him off me totally. I guess I will never know but I had to be honest  about how I feel or else it will mean I did not care about him enough to tell the truth no matter how in your face the truth seemed. As I write this I know I will not go back to him and that by God I have stuck to this decision, its for the best. I believe I will love again and it will be better and stronger. Career wise I saw myself skip at least two years of my plan. The plan was to work for a small company gather as much experience and network myself a strong client base in the city then move to a bigger company were I'll have excess to the bigger scope of people. I thought I needed to make all my mistakes on a smaller scale and learn from them before I swim with the sharks of the industry. Instead I saw God in his wisdom take me right into the deep to swim with the sharks. I am glad I got to join the company I did in my first year and got to keep all my familiar surroundings. In the home front the biggest event was your aunts' wedding,none of us saw it coming and of course the birth of your cousin. A big part of me wanted to protect her from it all,hide her but the reality is that she is a women now. No matter the fact that I still see my baby sister in her eyes, she has grown and its time I let go. The year also saw daddy and I fight a lot, I missed him more yet spoke less with him. We have phases like this and I am hoping and working on us passing it successfully once again this time. The truth is I miss him, I see and talk to him when I am home but I miss "us". When the old man and I get along we soar, its too good. I know we will get there again soon. I have however gotten closer to mommy,which is phenomenal. She remains to be the easy going one amongst my folks. I see myself in her and in the past year alone I got to understand her better than any other time in our relationship.My siblings and I have just gotten more closer, I marvel at their comprehension of certain things I found hard to deal with when I was their age.  I am proud of each and everyone of them. They are making their corners shine. The other hard thing I went through this past year was leaving my church back home and joining the Jhb branch. Leaving campus ministry and trying to find my bearing elsewhere has not been easy. Mainly because when I get attached its not easy for me to let go. My church back home was one of the things I was very proud of, I was proud because none of the people there knew my dad or mother so whatever recognition I had, had nothing to do with the fact that I was my father's daughter. It felt good to have established such without my father's influence. One of the reason to come to Joburg has a lot to do with not wanting to walk in my dad's shadow,because ours is a small town, I had often found that people know my folks and at times it felt like I could never do anything without my dad's name catching up. I sometimes just wanted to have me and me alone do things and not feel like people are helping or not helping because of my folks. I am not were I want to be yet but I am definitely not where I used to be. On a lighter note I made some wonderfull, friends mostly men (suprise!!!), I fell for some(suprise again!!!), I became a bridemaid(again, lol!) cut my hair(so I can feel young, lol) and had a lot of fun in the process. My relationship with the Lord grew, I know that I would not have made it thus this far if he was not on my side. To him be the glory. Its been AWSOME!!!!!!!!